Two Eskimos

[oldsarge]

FIRST DEGREE

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know,that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'

SECOND DEGREE

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.

She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

THIRD DEGREE

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief.

She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'

The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'

FOURTH DEGREE

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.

She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy ... it's W..'

FIFTH DEGREE

Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?

A: 'Is it mine?'

SIXTH DEGREE

Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class..

The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question; then, finally said, 'That was the decision

George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware.'

SEVENTH DEGREE

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized.

She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio,

and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond..

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde

Ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, the blond

Sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come

Home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do

They do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'

[catspa]

Sarge, #90 cracked me up! And the others were cute too.

Parker

[beemerphill]

About Tom's scrotum....


The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum not scrotum."

[oldsarge]

A six year old goes to the hospital with her mother to visit her Grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mother and bursts into her Grandpa's room ......
"Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as my mother comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said her Grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog - because my mother said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney Land !

[dinosaur]

Got this off the internet, billed as 2011's joke of the year:

Two women were sitting quietly minding their own business.

[oldsarge]

Originally Posted by dinosaur

Got this off the internet, billed as 2011's joke of the year:

Two women were sitting quietly minding their own business.

Maybe this should be posted in the thread "Strange Occurrences "

[dinosaur]

V. Putin, Queen Elizabeth and George Bush all die on the same day and go to hell. They notice a phone booth and ask the devil what the deal is. The devil tells them they can make a phone call but have to pay for it. Putin calls Moscow and talks for five minutes. When he comes out of the booth the devil says that the cost is one million dollars. Putin grouses a bit but pays him. Queen Elizabeth is next. She calls London and talks for 30 minutes. When she comes out the devil hits her up for six million and she pays it. George Bush goes in and calls Washington D.C. He talks for four hours.

When he comes out the devil says: That's five dollars. Putin and the queen are outraged and complaining. The devil waves them off and says: It's easily explained. Since Obama took over the U.S. has gone to hell. It's a local call.

[Grandpa]

Gotta steal that one Dino, lmao