Two Eskimos

[ChadTower]

Originally Posted by oldsarge

You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

Haha. That one wasn't funny until it got there.

[oldsarge]

A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her
telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few
occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the
phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this
psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his
test set, and dialed the subscriber's house..

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the
telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a
steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number
was called.

4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit , thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

[ChadTower]

Hahaha. Love it.

[oldsarge]

A Utah farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door
"Is your Dad home?"
"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
"Well, is your Mother here?"
"No sir, she went to town with Dad."
"How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
"No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other,and mumbling to himself.
"Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."'
The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard.

[perchbutt]

what did the little fish say when he ran into a brick wall?
dam!

[oldsarge]

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.



The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."



The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "That would be my wife."

[Judy Ann]

5 NUNS IN A BAR
Sisters Mary Catherine, Maria Theresa, Katherine Marie, Rose Frances, & Mary Kathleen left the Convent on a trip to St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City and were sight-seeing on a Tuesday in July. It was hot and humid in town and their traditional garb was making them so uncomfortable, they decided to stop in at Patty McGuire's Pub for a cold soft drink.

Patty had recently added special legs to his barstools, which were the talk of the fashionable eastside neighbourhood. All 5 Nuns sat up at the bar and were enjoying their Cokes when Monsignor Riley and Father McGinty entered the bar through the front door.

They, too, came for a cold drink when they were shocked and almost fainted at what they saw.

(SCROLL DOWN)

[Judy Ann]

Picture 5 Nuns sitting on barstools that looked like sexy female legs in stockings and high heels from the seat down. Sorry the picture didn't come through!

[oldsarge]

Here you go!

[Grandpa]

Lol, that would shake the good fathers up a bit.