The really, really bad, terrible, awful day...
One Monday morning, this fellow woke up...the power had gone off during the night, and his alarm clock hadn't gone off, so he was going to be late for work.
This was bad because his boss had threatened to fire him if he was late one more time.
He struggled out of bed to find that he could only take a cold shower because the water heater didn't work due to the power outage. He managed that, and only cut himself 5 or six times when he tried to shave.
Finally, he started to get dressed, only to put his foot thropugh the end of one sock, and then to break a shoelace.
Once he got dressed, he headed out into the rain. First he tripped on the top step, and fell, tearing the knee of his slacks, and breaking his umbrella. Then his car battery was dead, and he had to wait for the auto club to come and jump start him.
Once he got the car started, he rushed to work, only to be stopped twice by the cops, once for speeding, and once for running a stop sign.
Finally, he arrived at work. He had to park far out in the parking lot, and got further soaked running through the rain to the door.
He opened the door carefully,, and sneaked through, trying to make it to his cubicle quietly.
He didn't make it out of the lobby. His boss caught him and read him the riot act. "You're fired! I might have given you yet one more chance, but you come in late, looking like you've been on a three-week drunk, and living under a bridge while you did it!! I won't have you making this office look like a drunk tank!!! God clean out your desk and get the Hell out of here, we'll mail you your last check!!"
Well the guy's pretty well rushed, so he finds a cardboard box and gets his few, pitiful personal things out of his desk while his former co-workers look on.
Leaving the office, he starts out into the parking lot, where he steps into a deep pothole, and goes flat on his face. His stuff goes flying, and he gets his whole front soaked and muddy.
Almost sobbing now, he gathers his stuff puts in back in the soggy box and trudges off to his car.
The battery's almost flat again, but he managed to get it going. He drives slowly home, being very careful, since he can't afford any more tickets.
He's about 5 miles from home when he stops behind a car at a traffic light. He's waiting for the light to change, when he hears an awful shriek of skidding tires.
Before he can do anything, he's hit from behind by a drunk in a beat up old pickup. The impact slams him into the car in front of him.
Shaking from the reaction, he manages for force upen his door, only to be confronted by a belligerant drunk who screams at him for causing the wreck, and then begins punching him over and over.
The cops arrive, and pull them apart, cuff everybody, and proceed to investigate things.
Well, the drunk was driving on a revoked license, in an unlicensed vehicle, and had no insurance.
Our friend's car is a total loss, and has to be towed away.
The cops were nice enough to help him get his stuff out of the wreck, and drop him at home.
They help him onload all his stuff from the car in front of his garage, and drive off.
He opens the garage and starts carrying his stuff inside. As he turns around on his second trip he steps on a rake that someone left leaning agaist the wall. The handle swings up and smacks him square on the nose, breaking it,nd causing it to bleed profusely.
Cursing, he stumbles back and trips over a floor jack. He lands on his back, and the back of his head smacks the concrete floor, causing him to black out for a few seconds.
He comes to, manages to sit up and feels the back of his head. His hand comes away wet with blood from a gash in his scalp.
Cursing even louder, he finds a dirty rag and holds it against the back of his head.
After a bit, he feels well enough to try to make it in the house. He only falls once while walking across the breezeway, and tears the other knee out of his slacks.
After fumbling through all his keys, he finally gets the kitchen door open.
He stumbles to the sink and washed his hands and face and gets a couple of dish towels out.
He uses them to make two ice bags, one for his nose, and one for the back of his head.
The cold helps him feel a little better, and he decides to take a shower before going to the emergency room to see if he needs stitches.
Holding his head together with the ice bags, he walks in the living room and over to the stairs. Just before how starts up the steps, He hears the bedspring on his bed creaking, and his wife moaning with pleasure. Enraged, her starts up the steps slowly, quietly, wanting to see just what is going on.
He gets to the top of the steps and tiptoes down the hall, feeling sicker by the minute. His wife is now screaming in the throes of an orgasm.
Finally, he gets to the bedroom door. It's open a crack, and he peeks in, only to see his wife in bed with his best friend!
Enraged, he kicks the dooor open and begins screaming at his wife., "You whore, you slut, you Bi**h!!! I've just had the worst day of my life! I lost my job, My car is totaled.and the guy who did it doesn't have insurance!! I look like I was on the losing end of a fight with Mike Tyson! I got two traffic tickets and have no idea how to pay them!!"
"All this, and I come home only to find my total slut of a wife in bed with my best friend!! I want you out of here- I ought to beat you bloody and throw you out naked, but I won't! Get your clothes and get out! I never want to see your face again. My lawyer will be in touch with you!!!"
His wife crawled out of bed and slinks out of the room.
He turns to his best friend and says.......
(wait for it)...
"And, as for you....BAD DOG!! BAD DOG!!!!!"